Fallacies: "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up."

I've been meaning to write something about Marie Kondo's book ever since I first read it the summer of 2015. In going through this moldy old blog, I found a post saved in my drafts that I had been meaning to finish since November of 2016. As Marie Kondo has been a thing ever since, the intent of this post back in 2016 is still relevant now. There's a sequel book and a manga. There's a Netflix show. There's deals with the Container Store and her questionably shilling over-priced goods. So let's talk about her a bit.

The gist is that it's a how-to book on decluttering that keeps your life as well as your home neat and tidy. That's it. This gets conflated with minimalism a lot but it is not a minimalism book. Marie Kondo does not advocate minimalism, she advocates only spending your time, energy, and providing space to the things that actually make you happy and ditching the shit that doesn't.

I won't go so much into the hows of it. You gather your stuff by category and sort through it all at once group by group in a specific order. I read this book years ago and loved it. I've re-read it multiple times since and have listened to audio book several times as well. I used to pick it up again whenever I need a little clean-spiration. Years ago, the book itself ended up Kondo'd and that's a-okay.

Something that keeps popping up around this book, however, are click-bait type articles saying how Marie Kondo is full of shit. I'll be going through some of the arguments they bring up one-by-one. Because while Marie Kondo may shilling and hustling, but she is not wrong regarding her tidying method. 

brb, gotta go buy $140 desktop zen garden from Kondo's store, lol

#1. "She wants me to deal with an entire category at once? I have to get every book in the house and put it on the floor? It's overwhelming."

I came across another blog that talked about this and it was all "hur hur, if u can't do it, don't!  Know yerself, hyuck. U go girl." What a shitty train of thought. "Don't even try." That's the gist of the advice. Great.

That's it's overwhelming is the whole point. You're supposed to look at the pile of clothes, shoes, books, whatever and go "Holy shit!  How do I have so many? I haven't touched half this shit in years." You need the shock to realize you have too much fucking stuff you don't use. It's generally said we only wear 20% of the clothes we own. That means the other 80% eats into our space, our money, and our time. If you're rich or something and have a mansion to store stuff in and a maid to clean everything, then fine. But the rest of us sure as hell don't.

Make your stack of books/clothes/whatever and go through the entire stack quickly. "Can I part with this? Will I ever read this again?  Have I ever read it?" Ask whatever you need to ask yourself to decide. If there's any doubt, keep it. KEEP IT. 

I don't know why but some people think if they have doubts about keeping something they need to stop. As in stop, justify their choices, and question everything. This is your stuff and you only need to justify for yourself. When in doubt, keep. This is to minimize regrets. You can always choose to get rid of it later.

Some of these Kondo naysayers think the whole process is literal magic. That they're supposed to gather the entire pile and—poof!—they'll end up with a room out of a magazine. They don't understand you make the magic yourself.  It's all a matter of...

#2. "Keep things that spark joy? My frying pan doesn't spark joy. Should I throw away my frying pan, smart guy?"

...taking things too fucking literally.

Frying pan, y u no spark joy?

Some readers have gone through Kondo's books and really latched onto every dumb line they could. Like when Marie Kondo got rid of her screwdriver only to need one later and used her ruler instead. Or how Kondo prefers to put shampoos and soaps away inside of leaving them in the shower despite the fact that Japanese-style showers are different than Western-style showers and her bottles would slime. Or how she empties her purse at the end of the day. 

I can't empty my purse every day. I'm too forgetful. (But I can certainly compromise and clean shit out more frequently.) As for your frying pan, if you get plenty of use out of it, it IS bringing you joy.  I know fried eggs bring ME joy. Items that are useful to you are bringing you joy. It's not in the ra-ra way but in the "happy to have fried eggs" way. Stop expecting to orgasm over your frying pan already. It would never be that kinda joy unless you're a chef.

#3. "Okay, but that folding thing she does looks stupid. She really expects me to fold my clothes so they stand up? That's crazy. Imma busy mom/whatever, waah."

There are dozens of videos about the fuckin' folding technique. Search "Kondo fold" in YouTube and you'll get a plethora of demonstrations. Most of Kondo's media appearances feature the folding technique so it's unsurprising the folding "correctly" has become synonymous with Kondoing itself.

For whatever reason, how well one Kondos (yes, Kondo is a verb now) has been tied to folding things right. That completely misses the takeaway: most clothing storage works with folded clothes standing up in a drawer rather than stacked or crammed hanging in closets. AND IT DOES. Kondo just wants to make sure you can properly see what you own so that you wear it.  

She's not wrong. Now, I do not do the fold like she does. I actually do my own modified version of her fold and then line my clothes up in my drawer like a bunch of tacos lying side by side.

People who complain about the fold are being too meticulous. Honestly, they are probably trying to keep too many clothes. I'm using this pic from a Bored Panda article about Kondo memes (or whatever) just for the visual of the inside of that drawer. I could never live like that either! Whoever's drawer that's supposed to has too many damn clothes. And a lot of people are like this. You just need to Google "Konmari folding in drawer" and you will see loads of people pridefully posting drawers packed with clothes. The folding method itself is not to blame here. The mooks cramming up their dresser drawers are.

Thanking these socks will literally send you to hell. So will buying these socks.

#4. "She wants me to thank old socks.  I can't thank socks.  That's stupid and I'm a Christian."

Then don't thank the socks. You're being kinda ungrateful tho'. I mean, they covered your stinky feet at least once and you can't utter a thanks before chucking them in the trash bag?  But whatever. The world won't stop spinning because you don't thank the socks. Thanking objects is a cultural thing anyway. She used to be a Shinto priestess. And you're Christian? So what? You ain't going to hell for thanking some socks unless you're, like, shanking someone as you do so. Jeez, thank God if it bothers you that much.

#5. "Wait, I gotta throw things away?  I can't recycle or donate my old items?  What if I try to resell things instead?"

Knock yourself out. Nothing says you can't recycle, donate, or resell items. What I suggest you do is look at the cost in doing so, especially when it comes to reselling. 

For example: It doesn't make sense to have a garage sale to sell $30 bucks worth of knick-knacks when you need to pay for the permit, set up your sale space, get up in the morning, and work the sale for several hours. It wouldn't be worth it for me. Plus, it's best to get the old stuff out of the house asap. Nothing worse than junk hanging around and cluttering the floor.

#6. "I'm not rich.  I can't just get rid of things I might need later.  It would waste money."

This is a big myth and it's easy to get sucked into it because the face of Kondoing in the US (at least) is about people who have lots of stuff and lots of money. They may not admit they have money, but it's obvious. I'm part of a few Kondo groups online and I see before and after pics all the time of big spacious houses, fancy furniture, and sleek appliances. Lots of these folks have closets bigger than the room I live in. They can easily get rid of something and go repurchase it later.

Look, I'm pretty much fucking poor. I get it. It doesn't appear Kondoing is for you when you see people of means making Kondoing videos on YouTube because, like, it's sooo hard having so much stuff and the means to buy it. Right? What a hard-knocks life. But I was surprised at the things I owned. Old keychains. Purses I hadn't used in years. Shirts and pants I wore as a teenager. Old shitty drawings I made. Pens that didn't work. Childhood toys. Yellowed, old, blank paper. Every pay stub from every job I've ever worked. Rich or poor, we all actually have junk we don't use and need.

We are the caretakers of our stuff. Even the useless junk. We have to clean around it. We have to sort it. We have to launder it. We have to give it space in our homes. I have better things to do with my time than be a caretaker to a bunch of old shit I don't even use anymore. I hate dusting. The only thing I hate more than dusting is having to dust items. The fewer things I have to dust around, the better.

The fact is if you haven't needed or used something for years, you aren't likely to need it in the future. We keep a lot of things out of guilt and fear and rarely out of actual need. Google "sunk cost fallacy." The money or time you've spent to acquire your stuff is gone already. And if you can't find something because it's crammed in a pile of junk, what do you do anyway? You buy a new one. This just wastes more time and money. So cut your losses and move on already.

#7. "I'm a book lover and lurv muh books. She wants me to get rid of my books."

You are surrounding yourself with things that make you happy. Unless you're a hoarder, there's no way every piece of crap you own could make you happy. If you're a collector of dolls, spoons, or whatever, then keep your collection because it makes you happy. No one is arguing with you. 

The people who love books are the most vocal because Kondo doesn't think we should hang onto a bunch of books and papers. "Meh blerb blerb, but I luv muh books. I luv tah read." Then keep the damn books if they make you happy. But what about that sweater you haven't worn since 1987? That used paper cup from Burger King? The shoes you don't wear anymore because they pinch your toes? Your backpack from high school? You know damn well all that shit don't bring anyone joy except a hoarder and we all know hoarders are sick people. (I'm saying that in the kindest way possible. Hoarders have problems and need professional help.)

But I think we need to be honest with ourselves here: most Americans do not read books. They just don't. A lot of us have books to make ourselves look smart. You're supposed to own books. Smart people own books. Sophisticated people get large, overpriced books to plop on the coffee table they never use and display the candle they never burn. If we don't want to look stupid, surely, we must own books. "Look at my perrrrrrrsonality showing on these shelves!" I guarantee most people are not bibliophiles who just love books so damn much.

Book Review: The Kouga Ninja Scrolls

Wowwee, this post is actually old and moldy and was sitting in my drafts for years.  I don't know why I never published it.  I love the action and intrigue that can be found in Chinese wuxia literature like "The Book and the Sword" and Japanese ninja stories like this one. I really wish more of it would find it's way over here. I can't even think of similar story off the top of my head, but there's gotta be a whole bunch of 'em. If you know of any with official English translations, send 'em my way.

"The Kouga Ninja Scrolls" was written by Futaro Yamada and was published in the late 1950's. It is the first in Yamada's ninpou chou series and appears to be the only one as of yet officially translated and published in completion in English. The story is basically "Romeo & Juliet" + Ninjas. It's a real quick read.  Seriously, fast readers are gonna finish this puppy in one day.  Do not bring it while waiting for Jury Duty.  Anyway, the story is probably better known as one of its numerous adaptations:

The manga "Basilisk"... which is great.

The anime "Basilisk"... which is effin' awesome.

The live-action movie "Shinobi: Heart of Blade..." which I could live without since they changed too much for my liking.

But anyway... The Kouga and Iga clans have been at odds for generations and were bound by a no-hostilities pact into a forced peace. Circumstances dissolve this and force ten from each clan into combat: the side with the most survivors determines the next shogun. And the top it off, all twenty of these ninjas are pretty much freaks of some kind. One guy has super stretchy limbs while another man is like some kind of human spider. It's like going to the circus and watching the clowns kill each other. (As they should.) Admist this, Gennosuke of the Kouga and Oboro of the Iga, the future leaders of their respective clans, were in love and to be married. Any hope for their love is undermined by their own allies thirst for battle.

I love, love, love this story so I admit went into this biased. I had devoured the Basilisk anime and manga and didn't really realize they were based on a story published over forty years previously. The book version is very simple to read. Not an insult.  I like an easy read where the author doesn't yank out their thesaurus and try to use every word inside.  I don't know if this is a function of Yamada's own writing, the Japanese language, or the English translation but it works.

While not a ninja story, I think fans of this story will also love the wuxia story "The Book and the Sword" from Chinese author Jin Yong.

Book Review: Doukakis's Apprentice

With her family business in crisis, Polly Prince does her best to keep calm and carry on. But hard work alone can't save her London company from a takeover by the infamously ruthless Damon Doukakis…or her traitorous body from the lethal sensuality of her boss! As his new apprentice, Polly accompanies Damon to Paris to negotiate the most challenging business deal of her life! Worse still, Polly must at all costs resist Damon in the most dangerously romantic city in the world…

A number of notes before I get to the meat of the review--as lean a cut of meat as it admittedly is:

1. The title makes me think of two different things immediately.

2. Now that I have that out of the way, Polly is not his apprentice. He accompanies her to Paris, not the other way around. And the description would be accurate if it said "father's business" instead of "family business" since Polly has no other real family. (Yes, I know she considers her staff to be family. I'll get to that.)

3. The Harlequin cover is not the worst cover ever by any means but it really makes Damon look like a sleaze coming on to a buttoned-up trollop. The Mills & Boon cover really shows more of the spirit of the book. She's wearing a fashionable little number like she does in the book and is giving him a sweet kiss befitting of her personality. And he even has a tie with pink stripes on it, which is a nice nod to some of the dialogue in the story. The backdrop for the second cover is Paris, which is far more appropriate than the London setting for the story considering the role Paris plays.

4. This book has good reviews at Amazon but one points out the book needed an editor. If you actually click on the cover over at Amazon to look inside the book, sure enough, one of the errors the reviewer pointed out ("two mugs of and a large muffin") is on the first page. I made it into a bit of a Mad Lib by adding a line next to it. Go nuts:

The reviewer also talked about how names change and in my Mills and Boon epub version both Damon's sister Arianna and his PA change to Analisa and Janey (or was that Jenny). It's certainly no fault of writer Sarah Morgan but the PA's name in particular really confused me.

I've found Sarah Morgan's stuff to be generally enjoyable even if I found "The Greek's Blackmailed Wife" maddening at times.  "Doukakis's Apprentice" thankfully goes in the non-maddening pile with "Blackmailed by Diamonds, Bound by Marriage" and the excellent "Powerful Greek, Unworldly Wife".

The main character Polly Price is an enjoyable heroine and what I liked most about her is that she seemed to be someone I would have as a friend. (And I can't say this for any other romance heroine so far.)  Polly's a quirky yet practical, accessible young lady and doesn't snivel nor stand on a soapbox and list out all of her company accomplishments to Damon despite having every right to do so. While a romance story wouldn't be a romance story without misunderstandings, none of these are the type to induce headdesk or the classic, frustrated throwing of the book into the wall. Polly's reasons make sense and she clearly did everything she could given her circumstances. Most romance heroines don't come off as being generally caring to me. The reader is usually given so much from the heroine's perspective that she comes off as batty, egotistical, or unreasonable. But not Polly. She genuinely cares about the staff at her father's company and I could feel that. Good job, Ms. Morgan.

Damon, on the other hand, is not unlikeable. However, both Ms. Morgan and the heroine Polly call this fellow out on his crap. I'm so tired of heroes deeming heroines as being over-emotional and illogical that I was happy to see this doesn't get past the radar considering he makes the most over-emotional move in the story: Damon bought Polly's father's company just to get at Polly's father for running off with Damon's sister Arianna. And he later uses Polly herself as bait.  What does she tell him?

"I suppose you're sitting there planning new methods to use me to flush my father out of hiding. I'm just a worm on a hook." All the horrors of the night before rushed down on her and Polly touched her fingers to her forehead. "Did you put a hook through my head?"

Nice one, Polly.  Also Damon is Greek but I don't see how it matters in the least. He could've been 100% English and it would've been in the same story. In any case, at least this wasn't drummed into the reader like some stories.

My only real issue with the story is the flow. It felt a little disjointed at times (although that probably isn't the right word for it) and I found myself sorely tempted to skip parts and just move along. The ending was also very sudden and this could've been better if it just moved a little slower. We jump into love and marriage at the end when this story seemed more suited to be a one of the two-book stories. Book One could've ended with declarations of love or at least the promise of a future together while Book Two could involve a hurdle Damon and Polly have to overcome before they get married. Instead, this is another single-story book where it feels like it all had to be shoe-horned in when other parts earlier in the story could've been shortened or removed to expand on the ending.

I give "Doukakis's Apprentice" 4.5 out of 5 acorns. Not perfect, but close.
½

Book Review: The Heir From Nowhere

Heh, heh, come on, you and I know he came from somewhere. *snort* Straight from the back:

"You don't know me, but I'm having your baby."

Don't you fellas hate it when that happens?

Dominic Pirelli's carefully ordered world falls apart when a female stranger phones with staggering news: an IVF clinic mix-up means she is carrying the baby that he and his late wife dreamed of having! Though he distrusts her motives, Dominic is determined to keep waiflike Angelina Cameron close. Taking her to his luxury home, the hardened tycoon reluctantly begins to admire Angie's strength and gentle beauty as her body swells with the precious life inside her. But when their baby is born, who will have custody of the Pirelli heir?

Both of them, of course. The book can't end any other way!

Firstly, I must applaud this book for being one of several new books by Harlequin where someone with a brain finally decided to have names that don't have "billionaire", "mistress", and "secret baby" in the title. Also, that cover actually looks like how I pictured these people, depicting them in the pool. Yay for having an event that actually happens in the book.

Author Trish Morey has written a romance novel that won't have you plucking out your eyes or, to use a more realistic reaction, throwing the book across the wall in fury. She presents two flawed people who manage to both be kinda likable.

Heroine Angie Cameron is down on her luck. Her rat of a husband is leaving her and taking all of her good shit and half of her home. Angie and her husband used an IVF clinic but her hubby called it the last straw on their strained marriage when the clinic gave Angie the wrong embryo and she decided to have the baby anyway. As we learn later, Angie was once an abortion possibility herself and she doesn't want to deny the baby a right to live. Fair enough. No, but really, whether you're pro-choice or pro-life, you will agree this boner is a total jerkwad. So she contacts the would-be daddy so the baby can live with his or her natural family after entering the world.

Dominic Pirelli is handsome and rich like most of these Harlequin alpha-male bastards. However, he started out poor, living a scant neighborhood or so away from despondent Angie's current location. He has a somewhat tragic past and hopes by making a lot of money, he can help the people he loves. Unfortunately, the poor fellow ends up losing everyone along the way. This chap just can't catch a break. And his outlook doesn't improve when the IVF clinic admits their whoopsie. Yowch.

So when Angie contacts Dom, he thinks "oh no, this chick just wants to sell me my baby back." She looks sick and poor and while he can't fault her for the poor part, the sick is something else. Dom's deceased wife—that's right, the baby-mama's dead—had an eating disorder and died from it. And poor Dom's all "sigh, not this shit again."

Through a sequence of events, Dom gets to know her little by little and decides his best course of action is for his baby to grow somewhere safe: his giant-ass beach-side mansion. Hey, sounds good to me. So he moves Angie in and the whole growing-closer-together thing begins.

This book never felt like it had a slow spot and every part serves a purpose whether it be in the over-all plot or establishing the characters in the book. Dom's PA Simone seemed a little useless but that was only because I initially expected her to have a slightly larger role in the book. I actually wouldn't mind if she appeared in an equally superfulous role in several different Trish Morey books. Kinda like that Richard Scarry book "Postman Pig and His Busy Neighbors" where you had to look for that pickle in each picture. Ms. Morey, make Simone your pickle!

All in all, this book didn't really stay with me but it was an enjoyable read. Not too much drama and two leads who seemed to be decent people. Because I would've liked a slightly bigger moment to come along and complete the book—we were a little luke-warm here—I'm taking off a tiny sliver of acorn. Also calling the kid AC-DC wasn't cool. That poor child.

4.75 out 5 acorns. ¾

Book Review: The Eleventh Son

From book description:

On one of his missions, Xiao (the Eleventh Son, known as the Great Bandit) meets Shen, the fairest woman in the martial world. By the will of fate, he rescues Shen several times, which plants the seed of love in both of them. However, Shen is married to a rich young man who is also an outstanding martial artist. As if things were not complicated enough, Xiao has his own secret admirer, Feng, an attractive swordswoman with a quick temper.

Xiao is drawn into a messy fight for a legendary saber, the Deer Carver, and is accused of stealing it. Xiao finds out that the person who has set him up is a mysterious young man with an angel’s face and a devil’s heart. Before he can pursue any further, Shen’s grandmother is murdered, and Xiao is named the killer. It appears that things are spinning out of control…

"The Eleventh Son" is a wuxia novel written by prolific Chinese novelist Gu Long, who wrote over sixty novels before dying at age 48 in 1985 from too much drinky-drinky. To my knowledge, "The Eleventh Son" is the only one officially translated into English. For those of you unfamiliar with the wuxia genre, wuxia stories are based in the times of long ago, chronicling the adventures of Chinese martial artists bound by honor and full of secret fighting styles and techniques. My usual example when explaining wuxia is to say wuxia stories are the book version of the movie "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon", which in turn based on the fourth book of the Crane-Iron wuxia series by Wang Dulu. [And surprise-surprise, it's not published in English either.]

"The Eleventh Son" has a great start, the story opening with the reader meeting Feng. Feng Seniang is beautiful, over-30, bitchy and awesome. As much as I wish the entire story were about her, she only features in the beginning and the end of the story. Boo hoo. Feng's BFF is Xiao Shiyi Lang, the titular eleventh son whose eleventhness doesn't figure squat except for the sad fact that the other ten are dead and he's oh-so-ronery. Xiao is a sinfully-clever, notorious bandit who has the misfortune of being the scapegoat of the so-called ideal gentlemen. It's not the name of their gang or anything, it's basically a group of characters in the story thought to be honorable and chivalrous. Except they're all nasty rats.

Xiao and Feng begin a mini-quest of sorts for a powerful blade called the Deer Carver, which is being escorted to Shen Manor with the aim of getting an owner. Xiao is blamed for the theft of the Deer Carver and even though he and Feng managed to steal it before the final destination, the one they swiped was an obvious cheap copy. A plot is afoot. It is later that Xiao ends up finding the person who has the real Deer Carver, a fiendish character named Little Mister. Little Mister passes for a scampish, adolescent boy but is actually a beautiful woman and never bothers to change a disguise or anything. She just manages to pass for both and dudes lust for her and shit. Yeah, I'm not touching that one.

Xiao also manages to meet Shen Bijun, a woman otherwise known the prettiest lil' piece in the martial arts world. Shen is married to Lian Chengbi, a man who is handsome, refined, reknowned, wealthy, and about as much fun as a box of paperclips. Xiao is constantly rescuing Shen and the two of them eventually form a couple destined to an ill-fated love. You will literally shake your fist as poor Shen is put through hell, with people she thought she could trust betraying her left and right. She in turn betrays Xiao more than once and you really feel for the poor guy. Although Shen's grandmother does indeed die and Xiao is blamed for it, it's really the least of their problems.

Despite the depth their feelings grow to, these two break each other's hearts again and again. The love story here is poignant and pretty much rivals any Harlequin I've ever reviewed here, making it ironic that this is also my first non-Harlequin review. The story is strong and sorrowful. That's no spoiler, you know how this will likely end. Though there is some unintentional lulz at Shen telling Lian she will not be unfaithful over and over again. Come on, lady, you're in love with another man. It really doesn't get worse than that.

At under four hundred pages, "The Eleventh Son" is a brisk read and a great introduction to wuxia for the uninitiated. It is translated by Rebecca S. Tai and is published by Homa & Sekey Books. I give it my highest recommendation.

5 acorns out of 5.

Book Review: Stay Through the Night

Liam Jameson is a world-famous writer of paranormal thrillers. But fame has its price, and now Liam lives reclusively on a remote Scottish island. Then Rosa Chantry knocks on his door and throws his world upside down. His desire for her is strong, but his conviction that he cannot satisfy a woman is stronger. But Rosa is persistent, and so is Liam's need for her. She is determined to ease his fear that the past has robbed him of his power as a man...

Okay, so this book's a bit older [from 2006] as I tend to try to review the more recent fare. I stumbled upon it and I figure I may as well blog about it since I haven't been reading all that many Harlequins of late. It's by Anne Mather, who also wrote "The Greek Tycoon's Pregnant Wife" which did make my Favorites list so I was open to reading another one.

Liam Jameson is a male Anne Rice who was attacked by some bat-shit fan who apparently scarred him everywhere but on his hot face. Rosa is an ignorant, too-thin school-teacher with flame-red hair, cheated on by her slimy ex-husband Colin and easily given to wild goose-chases due to her whining mother who favors Rosa's younger sister Sophie. Loose, spoiled Sophie is a Jameson fan and when she disappears, Rosa is pressured into following a noodle-limp lead straight to Jameson's castle.

I usually like the idea of a marred hero but I got the feeling Liam fell under the whole "hey, I'm scarred but not scarred enough". Although this book cover is less dumb than the usual lot of them, that dude in the picture doesn't have a single mark on him. Liam wears long-sleeved shit because he doesn't want anyone to see his scarred arms, why don't these damn covers ever get things right? [Also, he looks like he's biting the heroine but I'll just leave that as being purposeful since brother there writes wamper novels.]

I found it odd that Liam has some real insecurities about being physically cut up yet the heroine's all caught up with his good-looking face and gorgeous eyes. I know these sorts of books are a fantasy but it comes off a bit of a contradiction, no? Especially when he's hesitant about showing her his body and she's all "ITZ OK I LUV U NO MATTER WUT" about it. Doubt you'd be saying that if he had a donkey's face. While having Rosa have to actually go through more of an acceptance of Liam's scars would have been good, I'll just assume the word limit for the book is why we had to kinda rush on through that.

Liam, at least, isn't the standard romance alpha hero who jerks-jerks-jerks all over the place, calls the woman a whore, and then does three to four sentences of groveling and bad explanations before expecting to be taken back. Liam is just understandably grumpy about having his privacy potentially invaded, generally jaded by women after being jilted by his fiancee, and confused about his attraction to a woman he barely knows. I found him amusing and refreshing.

At least once, "virgin" is used like an insult. Which is funny because, really, does the hero ever want the heroine to be a slutty tramp? It's kinda, like, which would you prefer, dude? In this instance, the jokes on Liam when he finds out Rosa is a divorcee who left a five-year marriage and not the untouched tenderfoot that usually stars in these sorts of stories. Yay. Finally, a story with a woman in it instead of some daydreaming little girl. Anne Mather, I could hug you.

While the book does place Liam and Rosa at odds at times, as what must happen in most romances, it is the tension of two insecure people. It is not done with bile or some action that might overwise be unforgivable like an affair or a hidden baby or stealing daddy's company. The result is that it never made me want to bang my head on the keyboard and made this book a very nice read.

4.5 acorns out of 5. ½

Book Review: Gray Quinn's Baby

Magenta knows having a new employer might be tricky. But she isn't expecting the old-fashioned ruthlessness of Gray Quinn! However, plucky Magenta is up for the challenge, and tries to beat the distractingly gorgeous Quinn at his own game…. Quinn is no New Man—

Bwuh? "New Man"? Is that some sort of Britishism?

—he wants temptingly innocent Magenta in his bedroom, not the boardroom. But he can make her no promises. He'll give her the night of her life, but he might not be there when she wakes up…. And he definitely doesn't want her taking maternity leave!

Firstly, lol @ that cover. These covers never cease to slay me. The heroine looks like an alien with that long neck and gangly arm and the dude's all squinty like Brenden Fraser and Gilbert Gottfried's long-lost love-child. That being said, I am glad she has dark hair instead of those covers where the brunette heroine magically becomes blonde.

Magenta Steele—yes, I too chuckled at that name—works in Steele Design which is daddy's company though I couldn't be bothered to really learn what she does besides put together "campaigns", have themed office parties, and be the HEEEEEART of the office whatever the hell that tripe means. She meets a smokin' hot biker in the parking lot. This isn't a spoiler, it's Gray Quinn. You know it's Gray Quinn, I know it's Gray Quinn. It's Gray Quinn. Why he's all playing bad boy on a bike in the parking lot when he's, like, thirty-two years old, instead of riding in a car like a normal reclusive rich bloke who just acquired said company is anybody's guess. That's just how Gray Quinn rolls. Do not question the Quinn.

Anyway, for whatever reason Quinn's smitten with Magenta. I couldn't tell you why. Maybe I wasn't supposed to be able to. Maybe I didn't read closely enough. Maybe Magenta in her gym clothes is just that damn sexy. Perhaps he just likes the bitchy ones and that ain't no crime. He ends up giving her a ride back to her place and all is well. Until Chapter Four.

Chapter Four is the uh-oh chapter. This is the chapter of a perfectly good book where you kinda know something's going wrong but you go into denial and read on anyway in the hopes it will not come to pass. There had already been mention of the sixties hammered in earlier on and I had a sinking feeling it may lead somewhere but I couldn't have imagined this: the heroine gets all dressed up like she's in the sixties, goes to sleep in her office, AND WAKES UP IN THE EFFIN' SIXTIES AND STAYS THERE FOR OVER TEN CHAPTERS.

While I commend this twist on the tried and true formula, I would not have picked up the book if I knew this was gonna happen because now Magenta is IN A DREEEEEEEM and can't wake up. Worse, she's in a sexist dream where all the chicks work the typing pool and get the mens coffee. I tried trudging through it all but this stuff just isn't my bag. Gray Quinn comes in and he's the boss, of course, and they form a relationship, do it, and she ends up with a DREEEEEM baby. BWUUUH? HAHAHA. No, really.

Magenta then wakes up in the present missing her dreeeeem baby but she and Quinn—perhaps feeling rushed that they only have about three chapters to tidy it all together—pretty much pick up where they left off in the dream. There's not much mention as to how she knows who he is (for he never introduced himself in reality) and they interact like old lovers. He takes her home, feeds her, and she begins obsessing that things are happening in reality like they did in the dream. She comes off as "hey, crazy lady" but Quinn—despite voicing some protest—seems relatively cool with it. This leads me to believe he rode that motorcyle too many times with his visor up and all of them dead flies choked his brain stem. At the end, Magenta's pregnant and la-dee-dah everything's Cheerios.

MEH. This made me kinda sad, I do admit. The writing itself is really top-notch and the hero is really good. I guess it was disappointing to start out with a hero like Gray Quinn and feel like we didn't see too much of the REAL Quinn but instead had to settle for DREEEEM Quinn for the majority of the book. The beginning seemed to set itself up for an interesting meeting when Magenta discovers the biker in the parking lot is the new owner of her father's business, but that tension is never hit upon. And although the parallel is obvious that Dream Quinn and Real Quinn are likely exactly alike, it doesn't change that one was still a sixties dream and a product of his own "era" and real interactions would have made a tastier book. It doesn't help that I'm no fan of the sixties either and I just wanted the dream sequence to GO AWAY. I have to wonder if it might've for a while as I got to the point where I just had to scan over the dream as I found it tiresome.

As for Magenta Steele herself, the name sounds pornish and she came through as being sheltered and entitlement-minded. Yeah, her daddy's a sexist pig, but why should Magenta expect to get a company for free? Go work your ass off like Gray Quinn did and get your own company to run, woman. I would like to have been given a reason to like Magenta as much as Quinn appears to. Is it her body, her eyes, her razor sharp wit, her caring heart, her creativity? I DUNNO. If she was even described as being anything other than a "good-looking woman", which could really be ANYTHING, I've completely forgotten. Magenta seems made to be generic so the reader can relate to her, but this quality made her kinda unlikable to me.

Because of the length of the dream, the ending felt rushed despite being about three chapters long. It also turns the focus on Magenta's lost dreeeem baby half-way through, which would've been a more enjoyable concept with a little more time. As Harlequin/Mills & Boon have started doing two-part books, this one probably could've focused on the dream in the first one and taken us back to reality in the second.

As it is, I'm only docking it an acorn for my own enjoyment value. As I said, this is well-written and you won't be pulling your hair out even if you don't dig it. Someone else will love this book, I just know it. If you have a hankering for a book that takes you into a sixties dream sequence for the majority of it, this is the one for you. As for me, I'd rather just read an older Harlequin than be taken there by a newer one.

4 acorns out of 5.

Book Review: Her Last Night of Innocence

One of the latest out of Mills & Boon, fairly certain to be published over here as a Harlequin at some point in time:

World-famous racing driver Cristiano Maresca always spent the night before a race in the arms of a beautiful woman… Three years ago that woman was Kate Edwards, and her time with Cristiano awakened her to unimaginable pleasure. But the following day the untameable Cristiano had a near-fatal crash…and then Kate discovered she was expecting his baby… Now Monte Carlo is set to celebrate Cristiano’s return to the track. Shivering with nerves, Kate braves the paparazzi to find the man who set her body aflame – and tell him her scandalous secret… That Italy’s most notorious playboy has a surprise love-child!

Firstly, I tend to like the UK covers better but this cover made me rofl. Seriously, dude looks like a Head Boy from Harry Potter. Of course, most of the people on the covers of these things don't work for me anyway but I liked this cover better when they cut off part of his face as seen on the M&B website.

"Her Last Night of Innocence" is another foray by India Grey, a relatively new author first published by M&B in 2006 with "The Italian's Defiant Mistress". The only book of her's I've read besides the one in this review is "Powerful Italian, Penniless Housekeeper", which if I recall correctly didn't wow me but certainly left me open to try her other stories.

I have to say I really, really liked the prologue, which must be a 5-acorn beginning fer sure. We meet the hero—Italian race car pimp Cristiano Maresca—and the heroine—British bottled-water marketing assistant (I guess) Kate Edwards—and immediately jump into the action, which literally ends in flames and derails Cristiano's career.

Four years later, we discover Cristiano baked his ciabatta loaf in Kate's oven, resulting in a son named Alexander. Kate was never able to see Cristiano since the fateful day of his crash and has the chance to confront him now that he's re-entering the racing game. I liked how both of the main characters have a heavy personal demon to fight. Kate lost family due to reckless driving, which creates a conflict when it comes to her feelings for Cristiano. Meanwhile, Cristiano has esteem issues from a learning disability and on top of that is struggling to race again. He lost a small chunk of his memory from before the crash and it's screwing with his ability to race. Additionally, that particular chunk of memory was super-important and without it he remembers virtually nothing of Kate or their magical evening.

Side characters like Kate's boss Dominic and Cristiano's lady-doc Fournier do their part to move the story along without feeling forced upon us. The moment when Kate becomes sick at a particular "art display" is strong and when Cristiano kisses Kate and she believes he remembers her was one of the top genuinely heart-breaking moments I've read in one of these books. Kate's urgency to return home when Alexander gets sick was also well written. All that said, this book isn't without its flaws.

It was maddening that during Kate's subsequent stay with Cristiano, telling him he had a son took priority under getting herself some hot Nascar lovin'. It was only through a misplaced letter—which you know is getting misplaced the minute the idea of writing down a secret is mentioned—that Cristiano follows Kate and meets his son. From then on, it gets a little... well... boring actually. I found myself struggling to read through the rest of this about as much as Cristiano would.

Cristiano's vampish assistant Suki was also underused. I really wanted the claws to come out with her and she was kinda "meh" throughout the whole thing that I saw no point in including her in the first place. I saw the stepping stones for some high drama in her character as Suki was at least somewhat infatuated with Cristiano but that never came to fruition other than she MAY have told a little lie. It would've rocked if she had somehow gotten that letter first but alas, she doesn't do much but snark here and there and help move Cristiano's career forward.

More drama also should've come into play with Cristiano trying to win Kate's love. As I've seen in a lot of these books, the heroine becomes a bit of a jaded pill (and rightly so) but the hero's all "I'm here now, deal". I wanted him to be more dashing and romantic! He has his jerk-modes at times and it makes him difficult to love. There was also a tidy helping of father-son mush between Cristiano and Alexander that will make fans of that sort of thing go "AWWWWW" but made me kinda stick in my finger in my mouth. I don't read these books to read about keedz.

For those that may be wary of the whole race car romance thing, the racing and the cars of said racing really take a backseat to the story so there's nothing to worry about on that front.

In any case, I felt this book was among the more decent ones I've read. Despite that it lost me in the last few chapters, there are parts of it that are pure gold. While it doesn't make my keeper list, I'm giving it a solid 4/5 acorns and will definetely check out more by India Grey.

Book Review: Falco: The Dark Guardian

Revered businessman Falco Orsini has left life in the special forces behind—though he uses his powerful skills occasionally, when duty calls. But duty is always on Falco's terms! When his estranged father asks him to protect a young model who is being stalked, he begrudgingly agrees…only because of the vulnerability he can see in her eyes. Elle Bissette won't be a victim—she can take care of herself! And surely big, dark, devilish Falco is dangerous. Because one kiss from a man like him will leave her breathless….

First a little background: this book is the third in a mini-series by author Sandra Marton known as The Orsini Brothers, which centers on the romantic lives of each of four slutty Sicilian brothers:

The patriarch of a powerful Sicilian dynasty, Cesare Orsini, has fallen ill, and he wants atonement before he dies. One by one he sends for his sons—he has a mission for each to help him clear his conscience. His sons are proud and determined, but they will do their duty—the tasks they undertake will change their lives forever! They are… THE ORSINI BROTHERS. Darkly handsome—proud and arrogant. The perfect Sicilian husbands!

Done the wrong way, this is the sort of thing that really makes you put your finger in your mouth and gag. That said, I believe The Orsini Brothers is the first mini-series where I'm actually excited for the next book. The brothers have a flourishing business together and are great friends who all find themselves summoned by daddy. This gives them more than enough excuses to interact with one another and they do so naturally enough that you forget for a while that each one is being systematically hooked up for our reading pleasure.

Late last year, we got the stories of Raffaele and Dante in "Raffaele: Taming His Tempestuous Virgin" and "Dante: Claiming His Secret Love-Child" and this year it will conclude with "Falco: The Dark Guardian" and "Nicolo: The Powerful Sicilian". I admit, I was wary of the Falco book probably because he's the ex-Special Forces guy. That's usually one of my kill-switch phrases along with prince, sheikh, cop, cowboy, and Texan. [Full disclosure: I'm Texan and of the race, class, and political-slant rich, white, cowboy ranchers thumb their noses at. So, no, I can't say the Rich Texan particularly turns me on.]

So anyway, Falco is called in by Dad, a.k.a. Cesare Orsini. Cesare was into crime or something like that so Falco and his brothers aren't too "wild about Mary" if you get my drift. Cesare charges Falco with protecting Hollywood actress Elle Bissette from some nutjob sending her frightening mail and such. I really would've preferred if Falco hadn't kissed Elle so early on. Elle's this friendless actress with a horrible past who fears for her life and this dude appears in her trailer out of the blue, gets up in her grill, and plants one on her. It would take quite a while for me to wash out the idea that he's a sicko, attempts at helping me or otherwise. That just should not have happened, I don't care how sexy he's supposed to be. The scene where Elle later fantasizes that she's kissing Falco could've been that much hotter and instead I'm wondering about this poor woman's victim complex.

Then there's the part where they end up sleeping in the same bed. And Falco's all derrrr...

"Well, it never occurred to me to ask the character in the front office what the sleeping arrangements were."

I have problems when a guy portrayed as capable and traveled as Falco forgets something basic like that. It comes out contrived and tension is lost. Picture this: Falco gets a double room or something and spends a rough night thinking about Elle because she's so gosh-darn purty or whatever. Then Elle has a nightmare and Falco decides to hold her. The last part is what basically happened anyway and it could've been done without Falco looking like a creep who planned this. Or even the age old "this was the last room available and it only has one bed" or something. That Elle fell fast asleep earlier on and was thus completely powerless in this entire process did not assuage me.

The book then becomes a giant waiting game for when Falco and Elle were gonna do it. This would have been less noticable were it not for the lack of interaction with other characters. Raffaele and Dante dealt with human obstacles to their love-interests while Falco and Elle just have each other and some unknown weirdo lurking off-page somewhere. Thus Falco and Elle are in the trailer, on the road, in the cabin, in the car, in the hotel, in the car, in the cabin, at the airport to Maui... see a theme? Sadly, neither one is enough to make this work for me.

I wanted the stalker to be confronted or Falco's idea of calling in a bodyguard buddy to materialize earlier on so they could be given somebody else to deal with. I wanted one of Falco's brothers to reappear somehow. There are other characters—Elle's director Farinelli and co-star Chad and Falco's pals Rick and Jack—but they all end up as props to move the whole thing along. While I didn't want anyone to come in and hijack the story, another person was needed to actually make Falco and Elle bond and provide some outsider perspective. (No, not just Falco flirting with the airport counter girl.) Elle should have confronted Farinelli with Falco in tow as to why she had a bodyguard she never asked for. Farinelli's part in the story emphasizes the tell and lack of show because he does quite a lot but we see almost none of it here. Or Elle should've been present when Falco deals with the dude victimizing her so Falco could be inspired by her fear or pain. Which brings me to that.

Ultimately, Elle confesses to Falco that she was molested by her step-father, crazy-ass pedo-preacher Willy Joe who just got outta prison. YUCK. So Falco leaks their location to lure Willy in. This gets Elle so hot she and Falco do it again. YUCK. Then Falco confronts Willy Joe and kills him in combat. Now this is a guy who was able to get mail to Elle and track down her phone number. He broke into her secluded cabin that no one in the world even knows about—not even the paparazzi—and meticulously entered so no one would realize he had broken in. Then he took out light bulbs in order to force Elle to switch on the right light to discover a toy cat hung on her wall. So you'd think he'd have to be a clever guy, right? Instead we get a "six feet six inches of lard laid over prison-honed muscle" [I had to read that twice, too] fat-ass who Hulk-smashes his way into an atrium at three in the morning brandishing a knife. HE COULD BUY A TICKET TO MAUI BUT NOT A GUN. APPARENTLY HE COULD ONLY CHOOSE ONE.

Willy Joe spat on the terrazzo floor. “She lured me to her. Seduced me. She’s a whore, just like her mama.” He curved his body forward, spread his feet apart. It was the stance of a man who knew how to use the silvery blade he held. “Now she’s your whore, Orsini. But not for long. I’m going to kill you and then I’ll kill her.” He smiled, the smile of a maniac. “Get ready to meet your maker.”

Corny dialogue aside and maybe I just missed this but how the hell did he know Falco's name? I know Falco had his and Elle's location leaked, but Falco also assumed Willy Joe had more than a bowl of cornflakes above his eyeballs. WHY would he chance Willy Joe making the connection that Falco had been in the service OR was a rich connected guy OR had possible underworld connections given his last name? Any one of these things is a big problemo for a sick-ass stalker as well as for the man trying to catch him.

Suddenly, the knife was driving down toward Falco’s throat. “Whore-master,” Willy Joe shouted--

Whore-master? Is this a British insult? Did anyone else think of Beastmaster? Maybe it was just me. I guess it's still better than I what I would've written:

Suddenly, the knife was driving down toward Falco’s throat. “Bitch, you be pimping!” Willy Joe shouted--

So Falco tosses his gun aside and shanks WJ with his own knife. Counting uses of "the" and "and", there are about 340 words between Willy Joe's first entrance and when he dies. FTW? It reminds me of when I would stay up late to see "Tales From The Darkside" and it was rerun. I am disappoint. Most importantly, is that supposed to be hot? This is why I don't like Special Forces, cops, or any of the type in romances. They's always gots ta kill someone, Special Forcing and whatnot. Of course, getting a book without one's no guarantee either. I remember reading this one Harlequin where the hero had the heroine's evil father beaten to death. BEATEN. TO. DEATH. I don't care if the guy was evil and had it coming: Violent death != Romantic. Child rape != Romantic. I'm sure it's floating somebody's boat, but mine just sank on top of a family of unsuspecting sea sponges. And what's more, Falco killing Willy Joe's supposed to be comparable to a knight slaying a dragon. You know this because it's hammered in over and over again. I get the knight-fantasy, I really do, EXCEPT THE DRAGON NEVER RAPED CHILDREN. Just putting that out there.

For my final gripe: The brothers did not need to be in Falco's office when Elle arrived for a reunion. Everybody's there for Falco and Elle's wedding in the sappy epilogue and it would have been more appropriate to have them interact with her there or even in the beginning of Nick's book. Here it felt like a big ol' setup for all of them to meet, which was a bit disappointing. At least Falco seemed to think so too and booted them out.

This book gets 3 acorns. I like the series and wanted to enjoy this one more, but Falco has to be the least likable Orsini (although there aren't too many differences among the four of them to begin with). Elle was a difficult character to sell as well and a hero with a bigger heart and a cooler head would have been a better complement to her. Somebody with her past needed a man to help her heal and I couldn't buy that this would be Falco. Furthermore, interactions with other characters probably would've given these two a chance to shine as duo. It was hard watching them bouncing off of each other so much.

BTW, my recommendation, if you haven't done so already, is to start at the beginning with Raffaele's book and decide whether or not you want to continue reading the series from there.